Concentration

INCIDENT:
Since I moved, I haven't been able to concentrate all too well. It's either that or I have the worst time management skills. But I hoping for the former, not that identifying the problem gets me any closer to addressing it.

MORAL:
I keep reassuring myself that my head is simply somewhere else and that is why I can't concentrate. But I'm not exactly sure that this is exclusive to my graduate school experience. It could be a self-defeating mentality that I have been reinforcing over the past couple of years. But why would I foster willing or unconsciously a self-defeating mentality? Perhaps because it gives me an excuse in case of failure. I mean if you fail before you even complete something then you can never truly be judged on that criteria. It's a bit backwards... I know... but I'm not the first to employ this tactic.

I wasn't always like this... I remember a time when I constantly exposed myself to failure. And at times, I did fail and other times I was successful beyond my own expectations. But over time I have become hesitant in many ways and I look back envious at what I once was... Can I get back there?

Last week I saw Jet Li's Fearless and the main character Huo Yuanjia imparts one liner wisdom throughout the film. But one piece of relevant insight has stuck with me.

“Competition uncovers weakness and leads to self-discovery” - Huo Yuanjia, Fearless

I have a strong fear of exposing my weaknesses. But as I have been told, graduate school is all about risk. And if I can get over myself, then perhaps I'll find success.